T1D Tuesday is a new blog series on TypeOneNation.org that
features guest bloggers who are sharing their voices of how T1D affects
their life. For the month of May we are celebrating Mother’s Day and
will be recognizing three fantastic moms!

Our second featured guest blogger this month is Veteran D-Mom
Moira McCarthy, she goes back in time and writes a letter to herself about what she has learned being a mom of a T1D child.

•  •  •

If only I could know then what I know now…. This is my 16th mother’s day as the mother of a child with diabetes. How much I’ve learned. That got me thinking: what would I tell myself if I could go back in time to that first Mother’s Day with T1D on board. Here’s my attempt.

Dear Mother of a Child with Type 1 Diabetes:

It’s me: you! I mean you’re me. Or I’m you. Anyway, I know this is a scary, emotional, confusing Mother’s Day year. That’s why I’m writing from the future. Because there are some things you need to be told and that you need to embrace. Some are confusing. Others are complicated. Some you might laugh at, and others are just so simple. I want you to consider them all; because I really do think knowing all this will make this long road easier.
?The first thing is basic, and yet so hard for you to know at this time. But know it. Here it is:

You and your child are going to be just fine.

You really are. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it all goes well. Those tears you cry at night (and sometimes in the supermarket … or at the bank … or at soccer practice?) when you think about how things have changed for your child? When you mourn losing the freedom you and your child once had? They are okay and natural, but work toward moving past them. Because, as I said, you’re going to be fine. Know that. Embrace it. And know these tidbits too:

*You child will lead you. I know: you are scared and worried. But look at your child. She’s not. She wants to jump right back on that bike and zip around the neighborhood. Here’s a tip: let her, both literally and symbolically. Move past your fears and let your child embrace joy in all of its forms. That’s going to be one of the single best things you can do. Because holding your child back because of fear is only going to beget … a fearful child. You once dreamed of them laughing and playing and not having a care in the world. Well, open that dream back up. Because your child can and will have that kind of life, even with T1D along for the ride. If only you let them.

*Embrace your “Family.” Because they are out there. Now, know this: blood does not always make the family you want and need. If someone you are related to lets you and your child down, fear not. Because out there in this big world is an entire D community that will be your family, for now and forever. Friends you meet planning JDRF events or at support groups or on line or just plain at the store (when you spot their child’s pump tubing! Don’t worry – you were right to hunt them down in the rice and spices aisle): these people will make up an entirely new family for you and your child. And while you’ll never say you’re glad for T1D, you’ll be thankful every day for these friends that truly are family. Don’t forget to thank them, all the time.

*That which does not kill you …. Look, this isn’t easy. You’re going to have days that flow along like a charm. But you’re going to have days (okay heck, you’re going to have weeks. Okay, really: it might even be years at that teen point) but anyway, you’re going to have times that feel like diabetes is picking you up and smashing you as hard as it can on the pavement (and doing the same with your bond with your child), you and your child and your bond are just like those oysters growing in the bay at the end of your street.

Because here is what is cool about oysters: if you drop one and break the shell or crack it a bit, that shell grows back twice as thick and twice as strong. Over and over and over again. The oyster has the ability, while doing that, to stay sweet on the inside. And that’s you, as well as your bond with your child. I promise you: every single time you feel your heart break a little, its just getting stronger. Years from now, you will marvel at how close and strong you and your child are.

*You and your child will lead in ways you could never have imagined. I’m not saying this would not have happened without T1D in the house, but T1D is in the house and here is what it will do: It will bring you and your daughter face to face with national leaders who will listen to you and vote on important bills that will change the world of diabetes. Your daughter will speak before Congress twice, and at the DNC. Both of you will learn more about advocacy and government and non-profit fundraising than you can imagine now. And it will empower you. One day down the road, your daughter will raise her hand and bravely step up to take part in a human clinical trial for something called “bionic pancreas.” So much good is coming from all this: I promise you that.

*It’s all going to be okay. Don’t let each high scare you. Don’t die a little with each low. Don’t cry when insurance agents upset you. Don’t think the world will end if you have to change endos. Because this life with T1D might not be what you pictured when you set out to become a mom, but it might just make you tap into more amazing parts of being a mom than most could ever imagine.

So save this letter. When you’re feeling down, read it. And remember it’s me (you) telling you (me) this. I’d never lie to me. I promise.

Oh and PS: Invest in something called Facebook. And instagram. Just trust me on that way. Also: The Hills was all scripted.

Love,

Me

•  •  •

Moira McCarthy Stanford is a long-time JDRF volunteer who was
ChairMom of Children’s Congress 2005 and 2007 JDRF International
Volunteer of the Year. She is author of “The Everything Parent’s Guide
to Diabetes” and “Raising Teens With Diabetes: A Parent Survival Guide.”
She also runs the popular blog, Despite Diabetes.